Trending.

It would probably come as no surprise to anyone who knows me if I suggested I've lived quite a while with a undiagnosed case of adult Attention Deficit Disorder. It would explain a lot, like why I've always written more and better when I wasn't supposed to be writing. On the job when I wasn't writing for a living, for example. Or even when I was. I wrote my play "Owen & George Play Chess" during lulls in a proofreading temp gig. Much of my fiction writing in the 90s was done in windows that got hidden any time a boss strolled by. So, yes...one shiny thing in the corner of my eye and I'm distracted.

Which explains why I consider Yahoo's "Trending Now" sidebar to be a Satanic torture device designed to make me have to read about things I normally would have no interest in. This sidebar basically tracks what phrases are being searched most heavily at any given moment. Celebrity names are always high on the list, but you also get things like "coffee" or "whaling"--neither of which I am making up--with no further explanation. And I, like the simple-minded trout I am, snap at the wiggly lure Yahoo dangles in the water.

This can be problematic, like when the wife and I are sitting on the couch and she asks, "Why were you Googling Miley Cyrus?" Because, as we are all well aware, there are no valid reasons for a 48-year-old man to be Googling the Hannah Montana star. Or at least no reasons that wouldn't make the FBI seize and search your hard drive. But if I may defend my innocence, earlier that evening a talk radio host had been fielding calls about Cyrus, apparently about whether her lyrics were starting to get a little too mature for the kids who love her as she rolls toward young-adulthood, and then I get home and that damned Yahoo box has her name in it! She was top-10 trending! Had I missed something? Was there a Beatles-bigger-than-Jesus-style backlash against her? Clearly, I needed to know--the Trending Now box told me so!

The worst part about owning up to my Trending Now addiction is admitting that when I see a celebrity's name my immediate thought, every time, is: Did they die? As though the only way Sandra Bullock (who is #1 in the box as I'm writing) could trend is if she died. The more obscure the celebrity, the more convinced I become they've shuffled off the mortal coil and I can't keep myself from finding out if I'm right.

Often the result is more mundane and therefore disappointing. Let's look at the top 5 at the moment and what the first big search result is when we click them.

1. Sandra Bullock: Apparently she plays guitar.
2. Whaling: Talks at a whaling moratorium are breaking down.*
3. Linda McMahon: The Senate candidate and wife of WWE head Vince McMahon is being sued by a dead wrestler's wife.
4. Maria Sharapova: Hot and plays tennis. Enough for me.
5. Offshore drilling: The judge who told BarryO he can't stop offshore drilling apparently owns oil company stock.*

* = items with actual news value. Did you know there was a conference on whaling? Ever?

I would like to think I can someday take control of my Trending Now box addiction. Lord knows there are enough pointless distractions on the web. This one, though, sits at the top right of the page, teasing me every time I come to Yahoo with its little sub-nuggets of info.... I know something about cooooofffffeeeee....wanna know?**

And I, weak-minded as I am, plagued by ADD, easily distracted, am unable to say no to the shiny thing in the box.



**Apparently will cut the risk of head and neck cancer for you. Java, anyone? I'm buying.